Mafia Gazette Past Issue 150
The Mafia Gazette Issue 150 For All The News That Is News (E&OE) Tuesday 1st April 'COMMISSION ANNOUNCES INTENTIONS IN THE STREETS ' By Randle McMurphy This week saw a rather lengthy address by Miami crime boss Gaetano Badalamenti on the subject of a newly formed Commission. Although the speech at first appeared quite detailed, little was actually revealed about the workings of the commission itself, and seemed more aimed at a general mood of cooperation between crime families across the country. It stated that family heads from each city were now in full cooperation with each other, and that no new families would be allowed to set up anywhere across the map without the say-so of The Commission first. The speech also stated that whilst the families are cooperating with each other, they are all still very much individual entities, and it is believed that as of yet they are all operating independently of each other. Due to the lack of concrete details in the speech, The Gazette is hoping to secure an interview with Mr. Badalamenti later this week, and report fully on The Commission in our next issue. 'DETROIT BOSS KILLS NEW YORK HITMAN ' By Randle McMurphy Detroit Boss MoneyPenny was involved in a gunfight with New York Made Man Laters aka Deleter on Wednesday, resulting in the Made Man losing his life in the city of Chicago. It is believed that Laters had been involved in the deaths of Stack, a Detroit Wise Guy, and SexySadie, Chicago Made Man. Reports suggest the Detroit family had been pursuing Laters for some time, but MoneyPenny finally caught up with him in Chicago, ending his life once and for all. Not before he could claim his final victim, however. Whilst aiming a shot at MoneyPenny, Laters inadvertently killed ThomasAnastasio when the Goomba dived heroically in front of the bullet intended for his boss. No doubt many a glass was raised to him that night in the family’s headquarters, for making the ultimate sacrifice. Tensions appear to be rising between New York and Detroit, with several seemingly random conflicts between the pair over the past months building to a stalemate, where NY residents are reportedly no longer welcome in the Motor City at all. Whether or not full-scale war will erupt remains to be seen, but things are certainly less than friendly between the cities at this time, it would appear. 'YES GENTLEMEN, IT’S BACK ' By Natatia It’s that time of year again. Time for all of the male Mafioso to prove their worth by strutting their stuff for the judges in the Mr. Mafia contest. Over the years, there have been numerous winners all fine specimens of this world of ours. Am I worthy of this title you may be asking yourself, well let’s look at what is usually desired in the title holders. The judges are looking for talent, style, reputation, and general worthiness. Those nominated will be required to persevere through five rounds of competition, but remember removing the other candidates by unnatural could possibly cause disqualification. The expert panels judging each of the rounds will consist of some of the greatest ladies in our world. The current role includes MoneyPenny, Vanity, Bailey, KayleTaggart, Leora, Morrigan, and last, but certainly not least Sixth-Sense. Each of these ladies has proven themselves in our world and are more than capable of judging their male counterparts. You may be asking how do I get into the competition? Well, you have to be nominated by someone other than yourself. Yes, that means someone else must think you’re quite special. The opening of ceremonies began on Sunday with the announcement from Kayle Taggart that she would be handling the first round of the competition. Kayle had decided to ask each of the contestants a series of five questions. Each of the questions appears to be utilized to draw out the inner man and other less appealing traits. To all of those competing, the Gazette wishes you the best of luck (especially that handsome beast Randle – Ed.). 'ATLANTA AND VEGAS HOME TO NEW CRIME FAMILIES ' By Randle McMurphy The city of Atlanta has seen some turbulent times recently, the latest being a full lock-down by boss Jackie Giamatti, and Las Vegas has seen much woe with many a Made Man killed their recently for running the city inefficiently. This appears to be changing, however, when Giamatti dug up his roots and headed for the gambling haven of Vegas. Stepping into the gap in Atlanta is Morrigan, boss of the newest criminal family to emerge in our country, Cosca Trinacria. Giamatti, lovingly referred to now as The Wandering Minstrel, started life in New York, then moving to Atlanta. Vegas has now completed his trio of cities, and all eyes will be carefully watching to see where his next move may be. Rumour has it that he has ambitions to run a family in each and every city on the map, though these whisperings are far from concrete. Morrigan also started life in New York, and now appears to be settling in nicely to Atlanta. The first order of business was to lift the lockdown placed by Giamatti, and open up the city for business once again. 'TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST ' By Jake Roberts Travesty has struck the sunshine coast as the body of Jennifer Briegel was found dead by Miami Police. The officers were called after gunshots were reported in the locale of Badalamenti Boulevard and upon arrival found a young woman’s body with two bullet wounds. Paramedics made it to the scene shortly after but were not in time to save her. Jennifer has been reported by family and friends to have been a happy and friendly girl, with no enemies, he Aunt Margaret came out on behalf of the family saying, “Since she was young all the men have always loved Jennifer, she did well at school and we’d all had high hopes of her becoming a doctor. We’re all just so upset right now. We blame the boyfriend, we think he may have driven her to.... suicide.” Although having no evidence to work with at the moment, comments at the funeral suggest to the police that fiancé Dirk Struan may somehow be involved in her death. There have been allegations of abuse and another man being involved but as of yet, nothing is concrete. Another theory the police are working on is that she tried to intervene between a scuffle that had taken place between Dirk Struan and Miami Wise Guy Joey Cusack. One eye witness claims to have saw Cusack run from the crime scene with his pistol in hand. We’ll bring you more as information becomes available. 'WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE? ' By Natatia Most people would answer enthusiastically, ME! Well, with the addition of a new game idea, which was publicly announced by the creator, Mr. Leroy Dinardo will allow those with great knowledge to put that brain power to the test. Those wishing to take part must understand that there is some risk to this game. For those who bet on the races or play blackjack, this will give better odds to increase your investment. There are two options to play. The first option requires a deposit of to begin is a mere $150,000, but if you win the gain will be $850,000 cleared. This option will demand that you play along with 12 other individuals. Questions will be asked with a two minute time limit. If you fail to answer incorrectly or not within the allotted time, you are disqualified. There are fifteen questions needed to win the $1,000,000 prize. Those wishing to participate in this option can do so on Thursdays starting at 3:00 p.m. Now, on the other hand, the other option will require a deposit of $400,000, but the difference is you will only be competing against your own intelligence and the timer for there is a two minute time limit with this game also. The other difference with this option the price of each question is a bit higher. Question one is worth $1,000 and fifteen are worth $1,000,000. Interested in trying this option? Contact Mr. Dinardo directly. Best of luck to all who try. 'MIAMI ART CONTEST ' A tremendous opportunity has been made itself available for all those with an artistic flair thanks to the generosity of Gaetano Badalamenti. The well respected gentleman, who has helped to develop the city of Miami is holding a contest to find the best in art to be placed in his home. The competition requires that all entries must be sent to Mr. Badalamenti before the April 1 deadline. A cash prize in the amount of $1,000,000 is being offered, but there is a slight catch. The money must be used to open an art gallery in the city of Miami. Pieces entered will be judged by Mr. Badalamenti and Mr. Randle McMurphy, Editor of the Gazette. The only other rule is that the members of Mr. Badalmenti’s family are not permitted to enter the competition. So, get all the paints, pastels, and charcoals out and produce our best for a chance to display your work in the fine city of Miami. 'BLACK MAGICIAN LOSES IN COURT ' By Natatia France - British born and public called “The Wickedest Man in the World”, Aleister Crowley, was declared bankrupt after losing a court battle to the artist, Nina Hamnet in which damages were sought after Hamnet referred to Crowley as a black magician in her book title ‘Laughing Torso’. During the instructions to the jury, Mr. Justice Swift said “I have been over forty years engaged in the administration of the law in one capacity or another. I thought that I knew of every conceivable form of wickedness. I thought that everything which was vicious and bad had been produced at one time or another before me. I have learnt in this case that we can always learn something more if we live long enough. I have never heard such dreadful, horrible, blasphemous and abominable stuff as that which has been produced by the man (Crowley) who describes himself to you as the greatest living poet.” People of the old country will recall Crowley creating the Abbey of Thelema in Cefalù where it was rumored to have participated in the dark arts. It was not until unexplained death of a follower did the government take notice. Once the presence was realized, Mussolini ordered Crowley and his followers to leave the country and reportedly destroyed the evil filled Abbey. Perhaps, it was the only good thing Mussolini ever did for the Sicilian people. 'THE NEW FACE OF VAGRANCY ' By Natatia Recently, in the mile high city of Denver, an unusual encounter was reported. A woman, who was undoubtedly once a lady, was resting on a park bench. Once settled, she began to speak and draw a crowd. Her claim was that she had had a harsh upbringing, supposedly within the Mafia world, during which she constantly wished and waited for the world to go completely legitimate. Then, without warning, she babbled, “Can somebody help me out by lending me just a mere $25k? I will pay it back as soon as I can which would normally be as soon as I turn it into a profit. Would be much appreciated.” Among the crowd, some realized that she was a married woman and actually questioned why she would be in the streets begging rather than ask her husband’s assistance. The real question is, does her husband know that she was on the street begging? And when he found out, would she face the consequences often faced by the wives and female consorts of men of our world… 'OBITUARIES ' By Natatia, for Jim-Rat. Las Vegas - Sad news has hit the Gazette. While going about his business, JimRat was cut down in the streets as he was going about his business around the city. Since the tragic death of west coast kingpin Merc a few weeks ago, there have been many Las Vegas residence dying all to young. Born in sin city, Jim was a well known arms dealer and proud, loyal member of the Las Vegas Connection. During his early years with LVC, Jim met Natatia when she arrived from Sicily, but he had not been able to begin a courtship until she returned some years later after college. Once married, the two became inseparable, which made them an excellent team for LVC. It wasn’t long before they were blessed with the birth of their first child, Paulo and at the time of his death were expecting their second child. Jim is predeceased by his parents and two brothers. Things were hard for Jim when Natatia’s job as Managing Reporter for the Gazette required that she relocate to Miami. Sadly, Jim was shot as he was walking out of a travel agency after making arrangements to visit his wife and son. A memorial service will be held in his honor in both Las Vegas and Miami. All friends and family are welcome to attend. 'ANNOUNCEMENTS/CLASSIFIEDS ' It is free to advertise here, just mail Randle or Natatia. Enjoy the races? Demand the best liquors and wines? Come join us at Natatia's Stables Priding ourselves in providing a relaxed, fun atmosphere for those dedicated to the ponies, specialized beverages, and interesting encounters. The finest in cataring is available for all occassions, contact Natatia or stop by. Mention this ad and your first drink is on us. Hice19 (talk) Now advertising... The best Pie crew in town! Do you love pie AND a little money on the side. Then join *Le Pie de Fiesta*, run by Son_of_Pie! You can... -make pies -piss off locals -make cash!!! What's not to like? For invites to this pie-licious crew, contact Son_of_Pie Hice19 (talk) Carlo’s Stable, cheap horses for sale: 1 Sad Rascal $25,000 2 Smokin Gimp $25,000 3 Futuristic Crusader $25,000 4 Cute Kid $25,000 5 Good Moonwalker $25,000 6 Ancient Liquid $25,000 7 Scrawny Mouse $25,000 8 Retarded Cannonball $25,000 Are you look for a cheap way to get into the horse market then look no further. Hice19 (talk) Corben’s Vodka Bar is now open in Miami. All manner of Russia’s finest available, including many flavoured varieties for the more ambitious mobster. Asociación Ñetas family members drink free. Hice19 (talk) The Mafia Gazette is now recruiting! Think you could handle a career in professional journalism? Contact Randle or Natatia for further details, or drop by the head office in Miami.